A patriarchal society

TRADITIONAL Arab society is authoritarian and patriarchal. Although this is gradually changing – more so in some parts of the region than others – the old attitudes still broadly prevail.

The structure and relationships of the traditional Arab family are also replicated at other levels of society, right up to the top. “Rulers and political leaders,” Halim Barakat says, “are cast in the image of the father, while citizens are cast in the image of children. God, the father, and the ruler thus have many characteristics in common. They are the shepherds, and the people are the sheep: citizens of Arab countries are often referred to as ra’iyyah (the flock).”

A central feature in this type of society, Hisham Sharabi writes, “is the dominance of the father (patriarch), the centre around which the national as well as the natural family are organised … in both settings the paternal will is the absolute will, mediated in both the society and the family by a forced consensus based on ritual and coercion.”

It sounds oppressive, and often it is. Escape is difficult but, much as individuals may complain about being trapped, they are usually more ambivalent when asked if they want to break free. Together with wider kinship ties (such as clans and tribes), the Arab family provides a sense of belonging and a collective safety net in times of trouble. In the words of another writer, “the family is a gilded cage – protection and prison, security and bondage.”

The role of women

INEVITABLY, those most disadvantaged in a patriarchal society are women; their role is still often confined to that of mother and home-maker. In the more traditional areas, failure to marry is regarded as a personal and social catastrophe but elsewhere there seem to be the beginnings of a recognition that women can achieve self-fulfilment in other ways.

One sign is the increasing number of wives who are no less well-educated than their husbands. A report by the Population Reference Bureau noted:

More couples in Arab societies now feature women with similar or higher levels of education compared with their husbands. In countries such as Egypt, Jordan, and Lebanon as well as among the Palestinians, fewer than one-half of recent marriages fit the traditional pattern in which the husband is more educated than his wife. In these countries, between 20% and 36% of recent marriages have an educational gap in favour of women.

A further sign is that marriage, once almost obligatory, is becoming less universal. The percentage of women aged 35 to 39 who have never married remains very low in Egypt, Mauritania, Oman, Saudi Arabia, the UAE and Yemen (four per cent or less), but the figures for other Arab countries range from nine per cent (Bahrain) to 17% in Algeria and 21% in Lebanon.5 

The need to conform

ANOTHER aspect of the patriarchal system is the pressure to conform – to abide by the family’s wishes and make personal sacrifices for the sake of the family. The balance between individual and collective interests is weighted very much in favour of the collective, and this is one of the more important differences between Arab and western culture. While expressions of individuality, along with notions of personal autonomy and independence, are often regarded positively in the west, Arabs tend to view them negatively.

The strength of these pressures varies from family to family and from place to place. “The more you are in the countryside,” Iraqi blogger known as Salam Pax explained, “the more hold the family has on you … the simplest decisions, whether it’s building your own little house on the land, or getting married. Getting married is obviously the family’s business – there’s no question.”

His own family ties were looser than many but he still found them restrictive: “You have to walk within the paths they give you.” At university he studied architecture, a choice that was “very much a compromise”, he said. “Medicine, engineering or finance – these are the sort of options that are approved by the family. Anything else is sort of unacceptable. Architecture ended up being something that I studied at an engineering university. It gave me a chance to have my own interests but still, at least within the Iraqi system, it was ‘engineering’.”

Young Arabs normally stay in the family home until they marry – and sometimes after they marry, too. “You get attached to the family and the family get attached to you,” Salam Pax said. “You will be looking after your parents, probably your grandparents, maybe a sister that is not married, a distant cousin who might end up near you and you’ll have to look after them as well. It’s very complicated. You are never really making decisions for yourself if you are within that structure, and it can get a bit too much.” Although the extended family can often provide a “leg up” into employment, situations such as this have the opposite effect, limiting mobility and opportunities to progress in a career.

Preservation of honour

RESPECTABILITY or “honour” (sharaf) is very important in Arab society. Honour exists both individually and collectively. “Honourable” or “dishonourable” conduct by one member of a kinship group is deemed to affect its other members too, and this creates an important mechanism for imposing discipline.

Honour is more about perceptions than actual behaviour – other people’s perceptions or, in some cases, perceptions of people’s perceptions. The same basic idea can be found almost anywhere in the world: “Whatever will the neighbours think?” But in Arab culture, where so much hinges on reputation and coming from a “respectable family” is one of the main criteria when arranging marriages, the consequences can be serious. A loss of honour by one family member can affect all the others, to the extent that brothers and sisters may become ineligible for marriage.

In the most extreme cases a sexual transgression by one person (almost always a woman) sullies the family’s honour – which then has to be “restored” by male relatives, usually her brothers, killing her. “Honour” killings are comparatively rare; less dramatically, however, a great deal of anguish is caused by people being obliged to act against their will in order to satisfy family honour.

The crucial point about honour is that it hinges on reputation. Reputation is damaged only when transgressions become public. Those that remain private do not count and nobody is obliged to react unless they are formally acknowledged. This can result in emperor-with-no-clothes situations where errant behaviour is obvious to anyone who cares to look but there is no problem so long as everyone pretends nothing had happened.

Many young Arabs complain that these restrictions force them into a double life of deception and concealment. In Egypt, Hossam Bahgat and Wesal Afifi write, “There is pressure to adhere to socio-religious norms, which entails obedience to parents and their expectations, but there is also the desire to enjoy freedom from these norms. The ability to enjoy these freedoms, however, is severely hampered by young people’s guilt at transgressing social mores.”

The tribal mentality

IN MANY parts of the Arab world the loyalties demanded by blood ties not only include the immediate and extended family but also the clan (ashira) comprising those who share a common ancestor or family name, and beyond that, the tribe (qabila). 

This has given rise to a “tribal mentality” centred on the concept of ’asabiyya – solidarity. “Its positive aspects include a sense of belonging to a community,” the Arab Human Development Report (2004) noted. “This can amount to a total dedication, or self-abnegation, for the sake of the community that bespeaks an impressive sense of common purpose, one often stronger than that found in some modern forms of societal organisation.” But ’asabiyya – a word with connotations of tying and binding together – has strongly negative aspects too and is sometimes translated as “clannism”:

Clannism flourishes, and its negative impact on freedom and society becomes stronger, wherever civil or political institutions that protect rights and freedoms are weak or absent. Without institutional supports, individuals are driven to seek refuge in narrowly-based loyalties that provide security and protection, thus further aggravating the phenomenon. [p 17]

Clannism, the AHDR continued, “implants submission, parasitic dependence and compliance in return for protection and benefits":

[BLOCK QUOTE]The reproduction of this phenomenon across society turns it into an array of suffocating institutions that reward loyalty and discount performance. One is good so long as one’s loyalty is guaranteed; it does not matter, naturally, if one’s performance is poor; and woe betide clan members whose loyalty falters, however good their performance.
The worst effect of clannism is that it eats into the cohesive force of citizenship and its institutional manifestations.[pp 145–146]

Social discrimination

Set against a picture of “selfish” western individualism, Arab commitment to kinship – belonging, helping, sharing, caring – may appear virtuous. But impose a lifelong duty of support and allegiance on more distant relations, simply because of a common ancestor in the past, is something else: it has no rational basis but it opens doors. “Connections will always help you,” Salam Pax, the Iraqi blogger, said.

For me, it usually was my dad’s position in his tribe, and the name of the tribe. I didn’t really know much about my father’s extended family – I was never really interested in this – but still, when [visiting a government office] I mentioned my full name, suddenly some stranger would say “Ah! My cousin, of course! Come over!” – and so I’d come to the front of the line or get some sort of extra help.

These things sometimes strike you as totally unfair. But that name has helped me. This happens all the time, and you are expected to do the same in the same situation. People think: “I will need you one day and I will get back to you.”

My life would have been more difficult without it … I know it’s unfair in a lot of situations because there’s absolutely no reason why X should go to the front of the line just because his name is similar to the one of the clerk there.

Jumping the queue may be a fairly trivial matter but the obsession with kinship is fundamentally at odds with modern ideas of equal rights and equality of opportunity. Giving preferential treatment to some people because of their family background means that others are discriminated against.

This is not to suggest that Arabs are unaware of the negative effects; they are very obvious and newspapers regularly complain about them. “However, while most people condemn the practice in general terms, they make private exceptions for themselves and their families,” Egyptian journalist Khaled Diab said. 

“Social discrimination is the greatest of all ailments facing Arab societies today,” Hussein Shobokshi, a board member of the Mecca Chamber of Commerce, observed during one of the Doha Debates. Discrimination based on race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, tribe, family or place of birth is widespread and deeply entrenched. Arabs rightly point out that discrimination is by no means unique to their own countries but the real issue is the lack of effort to confront it. Discriminatory practices are so common and take so many forms that they tend to be accepted as the norm.

Source: What's Really Wrong with the Middle East, by Brian Whitaker (Saqi Books, 2009).

Further information 

Arab Human Development Report 2004
"Freedom and Good Governance"". Incudes discussion of social flaws and constraints on freedom

Arab Human Development Report 2005
"Empowerment of Arab Women"

Marriage in the Arab world 
Hoda Rashad, et al. Washington: Population Reference Bureau, 2005. 

Sexuality Politics in Egypt  
Hossam Bahgat and Wesal Afifi. Sexuality Policy Watch, 2007.

What shall we do with grandad? 
Nesrine Malik discusses care of the elderly in Arab countries. Comment Is Free, 19 November 2008. 

Cairo youth break sex taboos 
By Heather Sharp, BBC, 25 December 2005. 

Dating in a world torn between tradition and modernity
( Tharwa Foundation)

Illegitimate, illegal or just ill-advised? 
Discussion of 'urfi marriages, by Gihan Shahine. Al-Ahram Weekly, issue 417, 18–24 February 1999. 

Making sure the young can marry 
By Brian Whitaker, Guardian website, 8 September 2000. 

Young Saudis beat inflation via group weddings  
Reuters, 25 June 2008. 

Misyar marriages gain popularity among Saudis 
By Mariam al-Hakeem. Gulf News, 25 May 2006. 

Misyar Marriage  
Yusuf al-Qaradawi, the prominent Qatar-based scholar, says misyar marriages are “Islamically valid” but their social acceptability is questionable. IslamOnline fatwa bank, 6 July 2006. 

Misyar marriage – a marvel or misery? 
Somayya Jabarti. Arab News, 5 June 2005. 

Do you believe a $50,000 dowry? 
By Majed Thabet al-Kholidy. Yemen Times, 28 February 2008.